Oh Lord

[xp_dominion]

Alright, so the classless baggage that is currently hanging around my room is my younger sister Victoria Kane. She is here to visit me for my birthday, even though I seem to recall when she asked what I wanted for my birthday, the answer was 'stay away from where I live at all costs'.

There are officially rules. Do not sleep with my sister. She may try, but the person I will blame will be you. I will misuse all powers granted to me by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, a father emmeshed in the highest levels of British Intelligence and the fact fact that I'm bigger and stronger than most of you in response to any infraction of this one rule.

She is not to be trusted. There will be stories. They are lies. Again, not to be trusted. Especially in regards to whether or not she needs another drink. Do not be fooled by her wily Canadian ways.

If I do not survive this weekend, it will be entirely her fault. I want that documented beforehand.

Comments

[x-diamondlil.livejournal.com]

All her stories are true and I will confirm every single one of them. Some with photographic evidence!

And the answer to the question of whether or not she needs another drink is always yes.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I think I would like to hear some of these stories. Well, the ones I have not heard already.

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

I said that they are all lies!

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

That does not mean I cannot listen to them.

[x-diamondlil.livejournal.com]

THAT is a lie.

[x-diamondlil.livejournal.com]

That can certainly be arranged. Vikks will probably want a fee in some liquid form.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I would expect nothing less.

[x-diamondlil.livejournal.com]

Deal. I'm sure Gar's getting dragged out tonight so if you want them face to face it will have to be tomorrow.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

It sounds more like he is going to hide under his bed, so perhaps not. But tomorrow is just as good.

Especially if someone has video of Victoria dragging Garrison out from under his bed.

[x-diamondlil.livejournal.com]

I've got the camera all charged and ready.

[x-wolverine.livejournal.com]

Do I need to drag you out of whatever rock you've crawled under and pummel you with alcohol until you wind up a sobbing mess curled up in a corner somewhere?

Because that's always fun.

Happy birthday, pup.

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

My sister is taking me for drinks tonight.

Which means find me and for the sake of the Virgin Mary and all her wacky nephews, pour as much alcohol into me has you can possibly find.

[x-wolverine.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a plan, kid.

Any idea where you're starting the crawl?

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

Harry's, and from there, assuming I don't take my own life as a mercy killing, it's up to Pinky and the Brain.

[x-wolverine.livejournal.com]

What's the under/over on alcohol poisoning for you, anyway?

For tonight, given your delicate condition, figure we'll start you with Scotch and work up from there.

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

Good question. I've never had alcohol poisoning or even a hangover. I can get drunk, but Hudson says that the combination between the endurance and healing factor means that I'd need to be IVing it to cause any actual damage.

[x-wolverine.livejournal.com]

Vikks gives you a hard enough time, we can always take one out of Medical.

We can get Lil to get your sister well and truly hammered. And to capture whatever happens from there. Pretty sure Lil won't let her go home with anyone really skanky.

[x-diamondlil.livejournal.com]

Lil is getting Kanes of both sexes well and truly hammered as well as herself. No one is going home sober.

[x-diamondlil.livejournal.com]

Narf!

[x-desperado.livejournal.com]

I think we all need to meet your sister. Because isn't part of education all about learning about other cultures and stuff? I'm sure she has all sorts of educational stories!

OMG, there could even be bonding!

Quick, someone buy me beer so I can bribe Garrison's sister. And what's this about a tattoo?

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

That's it, I'm also adding a 'no jailbait participation' rule to the others. Infact, no one under the age of 19 is allowed to even speak with my sister.

She is not a good influence and is not to be trusted. Her ways lead to arrests at major sporting events on charges of public nudity.

[x-desperado.livejournal.com]

So unfair.

I think for your birthday we all need to see this tattoo.

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

Come back and ask me when you're, like, twenty-five or something.

[x-diamondlil.livejournal.com]

Lies! There was one arrest. Not arrests plural. And she was hardly to blame.

Can we get her a temporary journal? A visitor's one or something or should I find someone to hack yours for her? Ah. Fuck it, I should just let her use mine.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Inez, if you will help Doug and I with a heavy moving project, I will tell you about Garrison's tattoo.

[x-desperado.livejournal.com]

Yay! I'm all about the heavy lifting.

[x-cynosure.livejournal.com]

Understood. Assuming bodies do turn up -- yours or others -- are there any specific measures we should take?

[x-dominion.livejournal.com]

Lie to everyone and claim I died at sea. It's less shameful that way.

[x-cynosure.livejournal.com]

As your birthday gift, I will even brine the corpse. Enjoy yourself.